I just wonder if it's ever gonna happen for me,
you know, girl-wise.
Trust me, Henry. You'll meet a girl
when you least expect it.
Let's just hope it happens while you still got the hair.
When I was 11, my parents got divorced,
which made me like 50% of kids in America.
Okay, tell me which tree to cut down.
One kind of huge difference was...
This one right here.
My dad was blind.
As in "can't see the tree he's about to cut down" blind.
Mom gave me that delightful hair cut,
and, despite what it looks like, she can see fine.
Two quick things... how tall is the tree,
- and where's the house? - Wow.
Super tall and over your left shoulder.
- My left shoulder. - You know what?
Let's just go get some ice cream.
- I'll buy. - Nonsense.
My kids want a pool, they're getting a pool.
Okay, this is now a danger zone.
Go inside until I yell, "safety zone."
But shouldn't we just...
Danger zone.
Why is he wearing safety glasses?
Safety glasses?
That's what's wrong with this picture?
Mel, what are you doing?
Those are my good gardening gloves.
His hands sweat like feet.
And his eyes don't work.
Timber!
Safety zone.
One down, three to go.
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
It wasn't crazy that my parents got divorced.
What was crazy was the way I found out.
First, a little back story.
Fisher explodes into the back field.
What he lacks in size he more than makes up for in spirit.
Dad went blind when he was 12.
He's on the 30, the 20,
he is not forgetting about the big tree,
he's fast, he's quick...
He's got one more play before clarinet practice.
But he never let the fact that he couldn't see
keep him from doing anything,
even when it probably should have.
- Cut harder. - I know. I know.
There. In. Perfect.
Are you sure?
Which one's blind again?
With the divorce coming, mom was on a quest to find herself,
and along the way she found a ton of new things.
Button, should I get one of these water bras?
Mom, I'm your son.
Which is why I trust your opinion.
See, new mom, old mom.
- New mom, old m... - Get the bra.
Okay.
I'm never gonna get my license.
You have a better chance of getting your license.
Katie, you're a Fisher.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Get ready, people. Here it comes.
I went to law school blind.
You do realize it's impossible to compete with that.
I do. Sweetie, you can totally do this.
You just need to be shown how.
Mom, dad's gonna...
What is that?
It's an electronic cigarette.
You guys have been on me to quit smoking the other ones.
Huh? It's mango.
Mel, you should not be driving.
And you should not be smoking air fresheners.
Why don't you slap on a patch like everybody else?
You know how ridiculous I would look with a patch?
Okay. Here we go.
Tell me when I'm lined up with their bumper.
You're not seriously gonna... now! Now!
Turn the wheels to the left
until you're lined up with the rear bumper
of their car. You're there. You're there.
Then you turn back this way,
and you drop it right in.
- Dad! - Mel!
I got it. I got it.
Next to my dad, the coolest guy I knew
was my best friend Runyen.
Mel, baby.
Khakis go with everything.
Smart. Suspenders and a belt?
I'm gonna give you a pass
because of the whole "eyes no worky" thing.
Hello, Runyen.
You know, I'd kick you out if I didn't think
it was important for my son to have black friends.
Well played. Touché.
Coffee?
Runyen was one of the few people outside our family
who knew dad was blind.
That's right. Before the divorce,
dad actually hid his blindness.
Bill Duffy, I'd like you to meet...
Mel Fisher.
He never lied to anyone.
But he did trick 'em a lot.
Come here. You are not too big
to get a hug from your old man.
- What do we got? - Table is ten steps away,
empty chair's at 6:00, Glen's on the left,
and his fly is wide open.
Sam, Mel Fisher.
I hope you don't mind.
I brought our youngest associate.
Tae kwon do got cancelled.
Glen, barn door.
With me at his side,
I could help him with anything.
Dude, at this point,
I basically own you.
- Ow! - Except that damn coffee table.
- Every time. - Mel, baby, my hotels.
You're killing me.
For as long as I could remember,
I was his human guide dog.
Which is why I was so surprised
when he got a real one.
Sweet. We got a dog?
Button, sit down.
Your father and I have something we want to tell you.
Really? We're doing this now?
This is awesome.
Yeah, wait, I thought we couldn't get a dog
because mom's...
Allergic.
Henry, it's a seeing-eye dog.
The correct term is guide dog.
He doesn't see for me. He guides me.
He's like a GPS.
A GPS that just ate my new water bra.
Which somebody left on a low table.
Henry, look, son,
when two parties have entered into a contract
and they've reached an impasse,
- both parties reserve the right... - Mel, come on.
We can't dance around this.
Henry, when two trees grow beside each other
and one tree can't grow in the shade of the other,
it might want to spread its wings.
- Sorry, trees have wings? - Yes, they do, Mel,
and they would like to enroll in some courses
at the local community college.
Do you understand, honey?
Mm-hmm. Can we name him Optimus Orime?
- Absolutely. - No, Joyce, no, he has a name.
- It's Elvis. - Oh, what about Chewbacca?
Whatever you want, sweetheart.
No, no.
All right, you know what,
forget about the dog and the name and...
Aagh, God, every time!
Unbelievable.
Bug, what they're trying to say...
- We still love each other. - We'll always be a family.
- Yeah. - Right on the bone.
Dad's moving out.
That's why he got the dog.
And that was the super smooth way
my parents told me they were getting divorced.
A lot of kids blame themselves
for their parents' divorce.
Thank you.
Forward.
But this one I was pretty certain was the dog's fault.
Well, we're either going to need the bathrobes back,
or we're going to charge you the $295.
I got to go.
- Can I help you? - Yes. Checking in.
Okay, no, no, no. No dogs allowed.
It's okay. He's a guide dog.
Yeah. No. No pets.
Did you see the sign?
I did not.
Right. Well, we have a very strict "no pets" policy.
I have a strict "don't break the law" policy.
Ooh, yeah,
Kevin, if you can still take a sick day,
I'd do it.
I am a blind attorney.
Cannot see a thing.
And California civil code 54.1 makes it illegal
to deny lodging to anyone using a service animal.
It's a civil code, Kev. Our hands are tied.
If you don't give me a room right now,
I will sue you so hard that when the dust settles,
you'll be calling this the Mel Fisher hotel.
You know a good lawyer, Kev? 'Cause I do.
Boy, our new friend Kevin really redeemed himself
with these hot fudge sundaes.
Yeah, that last bite was, like, all fudge.
How those veal chops treating you, Elvis?
It's 5:09 P.M.
Uh-oh, I promised your mom I'd have you home for dinner,
so, whatever she's making, you're hungry.
Or, or I could stay here
and help you navigate the hotel.
Buddy, listen...
Ooh, they have a couple's massage.
That could be fun.
There's nothing I'd love more,
but mom's expecting you.
Don't worry about me. I got Elvis.
And before I even got the hot fudge off my face,
my job had been outsourced to a dog.
Dad may have kicked me out of the hotel,
but at least when I got home mom was waiting for me
with open arms... and a vacuum.
I love you, peanut, but you're covered in doggy dander.
Arms up.
I want you to know that even though there's a lot of changes
going on, we are still just a regular family.
Okay? All right, turn around.
I got to vacuum your butt. Thank you.
I thought I was staying over, but I guess he doesn't need me.
Buddy, I promise you,
as soon as dad gets an apartment,
you can stay with him as much as you want.
Did I miss it? Did you see mom's new toy?
I don't know what the big deal is.
- Is that a... - Pipe?
You betcha.
You guys said the electronic cigarette looked ridiculous,
and I am a mom who listens.
So just to recap,
my dad replaced me with a guide dog,
and my mom became Popeye.
It was a big week for the Fisher family.
I'll tell you what you got to do, okay?
You got to find something that you can do that Elvis can't.
Like what?
Like teach Mel baby the latest dance moves.
- Oh, my God. That's it. - Yeah, I mean,
I've never seen a dog that can pop-and-lock.
No, look.
I'm gonna get my dad an apartment.
That's something a dog can't do.
And that's also something a sixth grader can't do.
Eh-eh-eh, what are you doing?
You cannot leave a field trip.
Cover for me.
We signed a permission slip. I am not going back to Korea.
Wait, she's mad at me?
Everybody brings wine to a dinner party,
but I'm not everybody.
That's why I bought a cactus.
Can I help you?
Is the apartment still available?
You running away from home?
I guess technically my dad is.
Oh. Well, you bring him back,
and I'll give him a tour, okay, and a stress ball.
Manny, your better etiquette books will tell you...
Here's the deal. My dad's blind.
I'm gonna be his eyes on this.
If I like the place, he'll like the place.
So how about you go ahead and give me that tour?
This could work.
Ooh, this molding is fantastic.
This is a tiny bedroom.
It's a pantry.
This is a huge pantry.
What about dogs, Fred?
Are they allowed in the building?
- No pets. - But what about guide dogs?
Civil code 54.1 says you have to allow them.
Well, then I guess we're gonna allow them.
- How old are you? - 11 1/2.
How old are you?
43... 1/2.
- So you shredded the papers? - Objection.
This is not a trial, just a deposition.
- You'll answer. - I did, but only because
I didn't think they were relevant to the case.
Random papers, not relevant,
you thought, "let's go ahead and shred 'em."
- That's right. - Objection.
Tell me you got every word of that, Janice.
All the way through "tell me you got
- every word of that, Janice." - I love you.
- Type that. Don't type that. - Oh.
Can we please adjourn until tomorrow?
The thing is we're all here today.
You got a phone call. Henry's principal.
He was cursing a lot for an educator.
But if tomorrow's better for everyone,
I say we do that.
Hip-up.
Is this not your signature?
Did you not agree to stay with the group and say no to drugs?
I needed to find my dad an apartment.
Joyce and I have separated.
It was mutual. Not that you asked.
- But just to be clear. - That's tough stuff.
Wendy and I have taken a bit of a T.O. ourselves.
The place is great, dad.
It's an old converted bakery.
It smells like you're sleeping in a muffin.
This is not about the apartment.
Although I do like muffins.
But this is about you wandering off
down Griffin Street like the school rules don't apply to you.
Griffin Street? That's a sweet section of town.
The point is you can't just go wandering off from a field...
Is there laundry in the building?
Four washers, three dryers.
- Cable? - Included.
- Basic. - Premium.
- Shut the front door. - Okay, I think
we're all sold on the apartment.
Can we get back to what my son did?
I think I know where you're headed with this, Mel,
and I completely agree.
I think, given the circumstances,
discipline should come from home on this one.
And if you excuse me, I have an errand to run.
Linda, pull up Westside Rentals.
Did he just leave?
Yup. Boom.
That was easy.
Don't worry. I gave the manager a $12 deposit.
That apartment isn't going anywhere.
Neither are you. Your mom and I talked,
and we decided you need to be punished.
- What? - Yeah.
You know, when Bobby Lacito's parents split,
he got a dirt bike.
Awesome. You're grounded for two weeks.
Boom.
Is that right? There's a hand thing, right?
Yeah.
So I had scored my dad this sweet apartment
where he and his work buddies could toast their big win.
They settled for the full amount.
Who settles for the full amount?
But I should have been over there celebrating with them.
Shh. Here you go.
That should have been my potato chip.
- Have a great day. - Thank you.
Instead, I was doing time at the mall
where mom was trying on Katie's jeans
and her adolescence.
These pants hurt.
That's how I know they look good.
Mom, you can't buy the same pants as me.
Why not? They are awesome.
It's not like I'm getting the belt.
Should I get the belt? Can I try on the belt?
You may not. Henry.
Tell mom to take off her pants.
Can we all just keep our pants on?
- Hey, dad. - I need you
to come over right away.
Elvis got out.
Okay.
I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking.
That is not the tush of a mom.
Pow.
I took Elvis for a walk, and when we got back,
I went into the pantry to get his food,
and I guess I must have left the front door open.
God. This place is great.
I wish I could live here.
- Guys, missing guide dog. - Right.
I'll take Sherlock. You go with Magoo.
Henry?
Thanks, buddy.
Elvis, come on!
Elvis!
Where are you?
Elvis! Elvis!
You gotta slow down.
I'm going six.
Ugh, I really got to start jogging again.
Elvis!
Can you go any faster?
You weigh like 4,000 pounds.
- Switch. - What?
- I'm driving. - No way.
I went to law school bli...
Just take the bike.
Quick question: Instagram,
is that something I should be doing?
Actually, none of this is something you should be doing...
the pipe, the water bra, my jeans.
You already had your chance to be a teenager.
Oh, I kind of didn't.
In case you haven't done the math,
I was very young when I had you.
Accident. Message received.
I went from being someone's daughter to being someone's wife
to being someone's mother.
Well, while we're putting things out there,
I would rather not be my mother's mother.
Any chance we can make that happen?
Elvis!
- Elvis! - A little right,
a little right. Look out! Look out!
- Be more specific. - Danger zone!
Stop the bike!
Oh. Good call.
Yeah.
I guess I'll just call the guide dog foundation
and tell them what happened.
Hey, I can't be the first blind guy to lose a dog, right?
Henry, do you see my phone?
Oh, here.
- Here, dad. - Thanks, buddy.
- That's weird. - What's weird?
Elvis left without eating any of his food.
God, I wish I had that kind of discipline.
Matthew Horowitz's office, please.
The pantry.
- Buddy! - Oh! Hi!
Hey, guys, keep it down. I'm on the phone.
Yeah, Mr. Horowitz, there's no easy way to tell you this.
Dad, Henry found Elvis.
Thanks for the great guide dog.
Keep up the good work. Let's talk soon.
Well done, pal. Consider yourself ungrounded.
Sweet.
Okay, Mel,
I know what you did.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
You put Elvis in the pantry.
Kind of like what you did on our first date.
Taking your brother to the museum the day before
and memorizing all those paintings.
Yeah, well, that trick got me a second date.
That second date got us Katie.
You said Henry needed to be needed.
You think two divorced people can keep a little secret?
Katie only told me what dad did years later.
Like I said, he never lied,
but he did trick us a lot.
Hey. Look who I found.
Damn it! Come on.
When people say "seeing-eye dog," they're wrong.
The dog doesn't see for you.
It guides you safely
in the direction you're supposed to be heading.
While at first I thought Elvis was breaking our family up,
it turns out that big ball of fur
was really bringing us closer together.
The divorce would allow all of us to finally discover
who we needed to be.
For mom, it would take a lot longer
than anyone would have ever expected.
- For dad... - Here! Long!
This would be the beginning of an amazing journey.
Shotgun pass!
As hard as it was for him to get a guide dog
and admit to the world that he was blind,
it was even more important for him to be a good father.
- Elvis! - Good boy.
Hey, buddy, I got you something.
At the time, I would have changed just about everything
that was happening.
This is not my apartment.
This is our apartment.
But looking back...
I wouldn't change a thing.
Henry, let's go!
If it gets bad, grab the goldfish
and go to the Schumakers'.
- Love you. - Love you.
That day I learned something that I would have to learn
over and over again...
Hey, guide dog out here.
That sometimes the tough moments in life
often make way for greater things
than you could possibly imagine.
Do you live here?
Yeah. I guess I do.
You're lucky your dad's blind.
They don't let us have dogs in the building.
My mom smokes a pipe.
What?
I just want you to know everything.
Oh. I'm Jenny.
Oh, I'm...
Sweetie, dinner.
See you around.
Right?
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -